Today's Funny & Foto

Harriet, a 92-year old regal sweetie just came into the office toting a pair of slippers. "I want you to look at these, " she says as she drops the pair of navy blue LovePats on my desk. "Look at the bottoms! See those holes?"

I look at the slippers. On the bottom of both, near where a big toe would reside should there be feet in them, were a tiny, perfectly round hole. The holes are identical, and in the exact same place on both slippers.

"Well, that's strange," I reply, kind of wondering how looking at the bottom of a pair of worn out slippers would look spelled out in my job description. By then, Assistant has stopped by and joined the slipper fete unfolding in my office. Harriet excitedly shows her the slippers. "What do you think could cause that?" she asked. Assistant launches into an elaborate theory about aliens abducting Harriet's slippers while she sleeps and wearing them as earrings. Assistant demonstrates by holding them up to her ears (I can't imagine what anyone who just happened by and looked in might think.....)

Harriet doesn't think this is the right explanation, so Assistant then offers the suggestion that the holes simply represent that Harriet is Holy. This really makes her laugh, but no...that isn't it either.

Since I'm the dubious big cheese around here I guess I'm supposed to know the answers to everything, including how holes get into slippers, so Harriet says "Carrie, how did these get here?" The best I can come up with is "Harrrrrrriet, have you been playing footsie with someone?" To which she replies, "My God, I wish!"

These people make me laugh so hard.


Moving on! Adventure Seeker (whom I'm found only through another fun running blogger, Sarah) says it is thank goodness it's friday photo day.

Hubby and I took an Alaskan conservation cruise on a small boat last fall. It was awesome, and I hope to do it again some day.

The oldest WHAT?

Lucy, a 101-year-old who weighs less than her age, gets bathing assistance each morning. Today, when WorkerBee gave her a soapy washcloth and directed her to wash "down there," Lucy got busy doing the deed and said "Do you know this thing is over a hundred years old?"

"What?" asked WorkerBee a little taken aback.

"Yup. It's the oldest one in here. Still works, too."

Shit Happens

Today's theme: Shit.

First Event: Apparently for supper one night we are having shit cupcakes for dessert. At least that is what the weekly menu newsletter says. I guess we're really having white cupcakes, although that clearly isn't what the menu says. (How does someone make a typo like that?!)
I expected the residents to storm my office and demand an explanation (especially Righteous Resident. A REAL cuss word! Gasp!). They surprised me, however. When questioned if they noticed the typo, one resident responded with "We were just going to order them." Hee.


Second Event: Sweet Resident, the nicest and kindest person you could ever meet (and wouldn't say that word if she had a mouthful), said it wasn't such a great day when I asked her how it was going. "Why?" I asked. "Because it started with me shitting in my pants," she replied. While not seemingly funny to those of us who use the word shit on a regular basis, from this Sweetie Pie it was absolutely hilarious. (After I picked my jaw up off the floor!)


Third Event: Some guy called to ask if we had any job openings. The conversation:

Phone Guy: "Yeah, I was wondering if you had any open jobs and shit?"

WorkerBee: "Nothing is currently posted, buy you are welcome to come fill out an application anytime and we'll keep it on file."

Phone Guy: "Ok, well I need to because I've got to find a job and shit. You know, soon and shit."

WorkerBee: "Uh huh."

Phone Guy: "I work construction and shit, but with winter coming there won't be as much work and shit. So I'm just calling places looking for a job and shit."


What is that?!? I mean, besides weirdly funny. And shit.

Ten Toes Up, Ten Toes Down

Gladys comes into the office. Unbrushed hair, wringing hands, completely distraught. She is so upset I can hardly get her to tell me what is wrong. I have to ask multiple times. She finally sits down and asks "Did anyone say anything about me this morning?"

"Uh, no. Like what?"

"Oh good heavens it must really have been a dream! Well, not really a dream it was more like a nightmare!" She is extremely animated, sitting at the edge of the chair, taking big, deep breaths.

So I ask what the dream was about, assuming it would be about missing keys or someone breaking in or some other caper that goes along with her slight (but darling) paranoia. I was wrong.

"I dreamt I had a man in bed with me!! It seemed so real. I dreamt that I got up and went out into the hall and told him to come into my apartment and then when I woke up there he was in my bed! Can you even imagine such a thing??"

She is so serious, and so...frazzled. And so worried about "what would everyone think!" She is 91 years old! This is damn funny. I giggled. I just couldn't help myself! So I ask Gladys, "Well, was he good looking?"

Gladys, who has Alzheimer's, starts laughing, and rolling off the one-liners as fast as she can. She says "Well, it wasn't his face I was looking at!" Which makes me laugh even harder. "And if he was good looking, I wouldn't be down here telling you about him, I'd still be in bed!" She then describes how real the dream seemed and that she lay there for a minute and finally decided she had better check the bottom of the bed to see how many sets of feet there were. I am laughing so hard my eyes are watering, and Gladys is full-out belly laughing. It was so awesome to hear her laugh like that.

Like all good things, our laugh-fest had to come to a close. Gladys left the office. And then...

In walked Assistant. "What happened to your chair?" she asks, as I glance at it.

And right there where Gladys had been sitting... is a perfectly round, great big, Wet. Spot.