Wednesday Nuggets

One little guy with dementia (who is so sweet he gives me a tooth-ache) woke up really disoriented this morning. When WorkerBee suggested he get up and go to the bathroom, he sighed and said: "All right. If you want to hold it, you can."
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I hate wearing shoes, and usually kick them off under my desk. Yesterday, as I flounced through the lobby in my bare feet, Garnet remarked that I was "Better Foot." "Do you mean barefoot," I asked? "Nope. I mean Better Foot. My kids used to call it that...and if you think about it, it really is better." Agreed! I love it.
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Gladys thinks that Naomi* has stolen her vacuum (every single day) and she keeps coming to my office to "report" it. She gets really upset...which is one of the reasons her quick wit always catches me off guard. The last time she came to tell me about it I promised her I would contact Naomi's family and get the vacuum back for her. Gladys responded with "That's so very nice of you, but I think the whole situation sucks." I laughed all afternoon.
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*still dead

Manic Monday

The ambulance was here when I got to work this morning. The resident, who just KNEW she had a blood clot and insisted the ambulance be called, came back with a brace and the diagnosis of tendonitis.

*****

Garnet accused a WorkerBee of stealing her mirror and "pick comb." She was ugly about it. She yelled at me when I suggested perhaps it wasn't stolen, just misplaced. Then I found the mirror and "pick comb" on the counter of her guest bathroom. Of course she has no idea how it got there...and no apologies were offered.

*****

I mixed up the meaning of the word "lavatory." I've worked here long enough to know that a lavatory is a bathroom sink (and a davenport is a sofa...I've learned lots of interesting vocabulary at this job). Why then, this morning did I think lavatory meant toilet? It turned out to be a very embarrasing conversation.

*****

WorkerBee caught Cheap Resident pocketing a salt shaker. (These people remind me of the Thenardier's from Les Mis, when they attend Marius and Cosette's wedding and sing Beggars at the Feast. You can clean up the people and put them in a nice place, but at heart they are what they are. Which in this case, is CHEAP.)

*****

Blahs and Big Butts

I did make it home from Puerto Vallarta, although the lack of posting this week might have indicated otherwise. Between playing catch-up from vacation and trying to adjust to total darkness at 5pm (not to mention all the damp, cold rain) I haven't felt like doing anything besides putting on flannel pants and curling up with hot tea. Blah.

Anyway...

Here's a little story about Garnet, who is 91 years old, about four feet tall, very tiny, and incredibly grouchy. After lunch she came wheeling into my office with her walker. "Look at this," she barked. (I really love it when people stand right inside my office door and bark a command without so much as a "how-do-you-do or have an apple").* I acted like I didn't hear her (sometimes I am so juvenile) because her tone of voice immediately pissed me off.

"I SAID LOOK AT THIS," she repeated as pissed off as she had just made me. She pointed to her walker. I didn't see anything and asked her what I was supposed to be looking at. "It's BROKEN! JUST LOOK! The bolt is coming out of the seat!"

The bolt was not coming out of the seat. There was nothing wrong with the walker. I tell her this. (These walkers have seats on them, so the resident can actually use them as a chair or to transport things....like Pearl's purse)



She didn't like my response. "IT IS TOO BROKEN! And do you know HOW it got broken?" she asks while a waving finger in my face (I'm a big fan of fingers in my face, too).

"I have no idea, Garnet" I sighed, "How?"

"Pearl sat on it, that's how!! She sat right down on my walker like she owned it and you KNOW she has to weigh over 200, all she ever does is eat, eat, eat! Everytime I look at her she's eating something! "

At this point I'm totally done with this conversation because although it is a little bit funny, talking about how much someone weighs is just mean. Garnet, however, wasn't quite finished with me yet. "She can't sit on her own damn walker because it's so loaded down with crap**! YOU need to tell her to KEEP HER BIG BUTT OFF OTHER PEOPLE'S WALKERS!"

And with that she turns in a huff and leaves.



*20 bonus points to anyone who knows what movie that quote came from. Sorry, Taralyn, you can't play.

** I am still looking for the best opportunity to snap a picture of Pearl's walker for your viewing pleasure. Hang in there, it's forthcoming.