Thursday, November 13, 2008

Blahs and Big Butts

I did make it home from Puerto Vallarta, although the lack of posting this week might have indicated otherwise. Between playing catch-up from vacation and trying to adjust to total darkness at 5pm (not to mention all the damp, cold rain) I haven't felt like doing anything besides putting on flannel pants and curling up with hot tea. Blah.


Here's a little story about Garnet, who is 91 years old, about four feet tall, very tiny, and incredibly grouchy. After lunch she came wheeling into my office with her walker. "Look at this," she barked. (I really love it when people stand right inside my office door and bark a command without so much as a "how-do-you-do or have an apple").* I acted like I didn't hear her (sometimes I am so juvenile) because her tone of voice immediately pissed me off.

"I SAID LOOK AT THIS," she repeated as pissed off as she had just made me. She pointed to her walker. I didn't see anything and asked her what I was supposed to be looking at. "It's BROKEN! JUST LOOK! The bolt is coming out of the seat!"

The bolt was not coming out of the seat. There was nothing wrong with the walker. I tell her this. (These walkers have seats on them, so the resident can actually use them as a chair or to transport Pearl's purse)

She didn't like my response. "IT IS TOO BROKEN! And do you know HOW it got broken?" she asks while a waving finger in my face (I'm a big fan of fingers in my face, too).

"I have no idea, Garnet" I sighed, "How?"

"Pearl sat on it, that's how!! She sat right down on my walker like she owned it and you KNOW she has to weigh over 200, all she ever does is eat, eat, eat! Everytime I look at her she's eating something! "

At this point I'm totally done with this conversation because although it is a little bit funny, talking about how much someone weighs is just mean. Garnet, however, wasn't quite finished with me yet. "She can't sit on her own damn walker because it's so loaded down with crap**! YOU need to tell her to KEEP HER BIG BUTT OFF OTHER PEOPLE'S WALKERS!"

And with that she turns in a huff and leaves.

*20 bonus points to anyone who knows what movie that quote came from. Sorry, Taralyn, you can't play.

** I am still looking for the best opportunity to snap a picture of Pearl's walker for your viewing pleasure. Hang in there, it's forthcoming.


HC said...

Boy, it's lovely coming back from vacation isn't it? Oy.

Sarah said...

I don't know the quote, but I laughed at your story! Welcome home.

Anonymous said...

haha! i know, i know! i laughed when i read it, because OF COURSE i read it in her voice!

Anonymous said...

Of course it's White Christmas!!! My all-time fave!!! Except the quote isn't quite right..."without so much as to kiss my foot or have an apple." haha

carrie said...

Haley: Indeed.

Sarah: I was happy to be home until THAT! :)

Taralyn: I KNEW you would!

Ang: Oops! You get FIFTY points!

Anonymous said...

Angie's right! She says "how do you do" first and then he blows her off and she retorts with the rest. :-)