Photo Friday

Happy last day of olympic-induced sleep deprivation!  I've been too darn tired to write anything with all the skis, skates, and hockey pucks sucking every last second of my time these past two weeks. 
Anyway!

It's been a very long time since I had a photo Friday, plus I wanted an excuse to post this adorable picture of Joseph.  He's awesome. Even though he has dementia and often doesn't know where he is or why,  he told me a story recently about getting shot in World War II and his subsequent year-long stay in a German hospital. In great detail, I might add. He's an amazing person and the conversation reminded me how important it is that we listen to our elder's stories. 

There is a proverb that says "every time an old person dies, a library burns to the ground." That couldn't be more true. Our old people have seen and experienced so many things that most of us cannot even fathom.  If you have an old person in your life...engage them in a conversation. Ask them about something from their past. Really listen to them. Not only will you make their day, but you'll learn something, too.

p.s. Record your conversations. It's the cheapest priceless keepsake you could ever have.

Um, Really?

Since I typically write about job humor, I don't think I've ever discussed the fact that I have an absurd knack for finding myself in strange situations. It's true, and happens far more often than is even reasonable to believe. I'm talking about weird things like finding myself in someone else's bed & breakfast bathroom with a 60ish year old woman who is wearing only a bra. Or the time I went running with a peer and asked her if she had a boyfriend after she has courteously asked me about my husband.  Apparently I was the only one in the world who didn't know she was gay, not that I care, but that whole boyfriend question? Yeah, awkward.  Another time a young woman came to my office (when I worked at a hospital), sharing the woes of her life while trying to leave her baby with me while she went to work. Oh! Then there was the time I was working out and some lady I had never met started exercising beside me. She didn't even introduce herself, but proceeded to tell me that she was recently divorced and that she had put up with a lot of things from that jerk, but as soon as he started looking at their 12-year-old daughter naked she packed up and got out. 

I've decided I must have one of those faces that makes people want to vomit their life's story on me. Just now a visiting nurse stopped in my office to say hello. I've met her one other time for maybe one minute. I made the mistake of asking "how are you?"  Here is her answer...the abridged edition.

"You know, I'm actually really great although I've been really watching my blood pressure because it's been elevated. I'm the only woman in my family not on high blood pressure medication, and I just want to figure out a way to control it without the pharmaceuticals. Hormones might have something to do with it, but thank God I should be over with that soon! I'm on month five of no period, but of course you have to go an entire year before they'll consider you post-menopausal. God, I can't wait.  Back in the 80s I had such terrible PMS, and you know that was before PMS was medically recognized, and when it finally was I felt so validated! Finally I had an answer to why I had tried to kill myself so many times. But that last time when I was pregnant and almost killed my baby, I told God, if you give me a healthy baby I'll never try to kill myself again. But then I got stuck in peri-menopause, which is like PMS only it's worse and lasts longer, so I nearly renigged.  I was only having 4-5 good days out of every month, but thankfully I got sober and that program has been tremendous in helping me cope and now I just can't wait to have the whole hormone mess behind me.  That and losing about 40 pounds just might keep me off the hypertension drugs!"

Yup. I must have one of those faces, alright.

Overheard

I love afternoons at Rock Ridge. A group of residents (lovingly referred to as The Peanut Gallery—what else?) assembles outside my office for some conversation and fellowship. I try hard to stay focused on my work…really I do…but sometimes the conversation is simply too much to ignore. Take today for instance. Lois (of the mismatched socks) was doing a little griping about the fact there aren’t enough “good” people living here. Gladys jumped right in and corrected her. “Oh no, we have plenty of good people here. Everyone has mostly good in them! It’s just that sometimes things in life happen and they don’t want to push that part out.” Gladys has such a great life philosophy, even if her wording is a little questionable.

From there, the conversation turned to wine.( Lois thinks that we should serve wine with dinner). She told Gladys how much she would enjoy drinking a glass of wine from time to time if only someone would join her. Gladys said she never much of a wine drinker, but she did like “a little taste of other things from time to time.” (Of course by now, I’ve given up all attempts of work and am straining to hear better.) Lois said “I never like to drink that hard stuff unless I’m home and have a man with me who likes the same thing.” HAHAHAHAHA!!! Gladys immediately starts laughing. Lois is flustered and protests “that didn’t really come out right,” to which Gladys quickly replied “No, it never does in those situations!” I’m convinced she is the quickest witted Alzheimer’s patient who ever existed.

The topic changed again--which it does quite often when you have two people with Alzheimer’s chatting--and Lois proclaimed the best thing about being her age is “knowing Jesus better.” Apparently still not forgetting the earlier part of the conversation, Gladys piped right in with a hearty laugh and “I’m guessing Jesus doesn’t know you nearly as well as we do!”

It is baffling that Gladys could spout her wit like that, but just prior to that she told the exact same story four times…and Lois listened to it four times… as though it were the only time she’d ever heard it. They were both so fully present in that conversation at that instant… I almost forgot they have Alzheimer’s.

During a moment like that, the work can certainly wait.

From the Suggestion Box

Wednesday Wisdom

I visited a resident and began the conversation by breaking my own rule of never asking a resident "How are you?" *

"Well, I've been sick" 92-year-old Catherine replied with the all-too-standard answer (and the main reason you should never ask an old person this forbidden question).

"Oh? What's the matter?" I asked, already too far gone to turn back now.

Catherine leaned in toward me as if she wanted to share a secret and whispered loudly: "Let's put it this way. You should never trust a fart."

Indeed not.



*This rule has been in existence since February 2, 2005, which is the day a cantankerous resident turned 100 years old. I made the mistake of asking her the forbidden question and she snappily replied "I'm 100 years old. How in the hell do you think I am?"

The Reason I've Been Absent

I wonder why it is the things we enjoy the most are the first things we let go when life gets hard or busy. Shouldn't it be the other way around? When life is stressful or hard or whatever, we should do MORE of what we enjoy to counteract the bad stuff. I wish it worked that way...because if it did, I would have been reading, writing, running, going to yoga, or any other number of things these past two months. Instead? Nada.

I spent several weeks with an incredible amount of anxiety about the future of Rock Ridge. Not my future there, but Rock Ridge's future. I have an unfortunate talent for worrying about other people...so I spent days upon days worrying about every single resident, their families, my staff, and their families. I didn't run. I didn't write. I didn't read anything inspirational. I didn't pray. I just walked around with a heavy heart and a sad countenance.

I am beyond delighted that The Deal That Would Have Changed Everything didn't happen, but I'm also wiser for having had the experience. (I originally wrote that I'm disappointed in myself...but decided that anytime learning takes place we are better for it, so wiser is a better word) This new wisdom means that should I ever find myself in this position again, I will certainly do things differently.

This time: I can't even begin to think about how much energy I wasted worrying and stressing about things that were absolutely and completely beyond any control.

Next time (although I'm hoping there never is a next time): I will spend that energy on the things I can control. Like loving the residents. Hugging them. Enjoying them. Being happy myself so that I can contribute to their happiness and joy. (or going for a run when I need it most!)

This time: A change seemed inevitable, therefore I stopped being really good at my job. I let staff get away with things I normally wouldn't. I didn't do reports. I let things slide. My heart simply wasn't in it. What a disservice to my residents and staff. What a disservice to myself!

Next time: I will act as if. I will act as if nothing is changing...until it really does. I will act as if everything is as important today as it was yesterday. I will act as if I am the best person for my job, and will not allow the feelings of helplessness and uncertainty for the future set the agenda for my day.

This time: I might have actually forgotten for a few days why I do the work I do and that I'm a positive, happy person by nature.

Not just next time, but every day for the rest of my tenure as the director of Rock Ridge: I will ALWAYS remember why I go to work every day and I will never forget who I am...just because of some Deal That Would Change Everything. No matter how much something changes...I'm still me...and I still really love old people.

The End.

Note to Jeff: Thank you for your message. You were the prod I needed.

Is it really December already?

I wish I had more time to share the daily goodies that come my way, but man this place is nuts. I'm also providing administrative support to a sister property who lost their director, so all my little post-it notes of things I want to remember to write about will have to continue to wait for another day. Until then, though, here's a little piece of hilarious conversation that took place outside my office door on Tuesday of last week.

Lois (of the mismatched socks): "Gladys, is Thanksgiving tomorrow?"

Gladys: "Well, I don't know. Is it this week?"

Lois: "Joseph, do you know if Thanksgiving is tomorrow?"

Joseph: laughs "Huh. Well. I guess I don't know."

Lois: to Little Miss Chatterbox "How about you? Do you know if Thanksgiving is tomorrow?"

LMCB: "You know, that's a funny thing, Thanksgiving. I said to my daughter on the phone this morning that Thanksgiving should be coming up, and then she told me when it was. I wonder if we'll have turkey here? Everyone always thinks you have to have turkey on Thanksgiving, but I think why should it always be turkey? We could have something besides turkey. And stuffing! All that bread? Why should people serve that every Thanksgiving. Really. But anyway she told me when Thanksgiving was, but I don't think I can remember."

Lois: still not giving up "Maude? Do you know if Thanksgiving is tomorrow?"

Maude, who is 99 and performing true to her usual form, put an end to the entire conversation by replying "How in the hell should I know?"

I love old people.

Mid Week Treat

I caught this group of happy people yukking it up yesterday afternoon outside my office. They were laughing so much I had to go see what all the commotion was about. Can you tell what was so funny by looking at the picture?

Joseph and Gladys were laughing at Lois (far right) because she was wearing one knee high panty hose and one black sock with her sandals. On accident, of course. Lois laughed right along with them. It was hilarious. Assistant then told them how I showed up to work one day wearing two different shoes (true story). They thought that was even funnier. I thought Gladys was going to pass out she was laughing so hard. Listening to three people with dementia laugh like there's no tomorrow is very high on the list of reasons I love this job.

As we were laughing, Little Miss Chatterbox wandered upon the scene interested in what the commotion was all about. She was, of course, wearing her lab coat (see, I don't make this stuff up!) , though I think it has been hemmed...which makes me wonder....who in the world would have hemmed a lab coat for an 89-year-old assisted living resident to gad about in?!?

Happy Hump Day. It's been a fun week at the Ridge!

p.s. Speaking of Hump Day... when Assistant woke Joseph up the other morning he groggily looked at her and asked "Can you have kids?" She told him that no, she already had kids. "Then can I stick it in?" he very politely asked. HAHAHAHA!

That Damn Naomi

Gladys just came to the office to report that Naomi had stolen her roll of toilet paper. "Isn't that just terrible?" she asked. "Stealing toilet paper! I declare, that's about as low as a person can get."

"Yes, stealing toilet paper is terrible, " I concurred, "but how do you know Naomi did it?"

Gladys didn't even hesitate before replying: "Well, maybe she didn't! I think you need to make a list of everyone with diarrhea and then you'll know who took it!"

Sounds like a good job for Assistant.

Zurich, Part One (and Photo Friday!)

I left Indianapolis on Monday, October 19th after being delayed for about an hour from our original departure time. We then sat on the tarmac for another 40 minutes before taking off. (Which I think totally sucks....why didn't they just leave us comfortably sitting at the gate?) Come to find out, we left Indianapolis late, sat on the tarmac for 40 minutes, and then circled Newark for 40 more minutes because apparently the vice-president was at the airport. I understand the need for security and all that....but how can one guy be responsible for me nearly missing an international connection when I had a 3½ hour lay-over built into my intinerary? BUT, why complain? All's well that ends well! I didn't miss my connection, I met up with my awesome Boss and we boarded the plane to Zurich about ten minutes later.

The woman sitting beside me on the Indianapolis to Newark leg was on her way to Romania, where she had been living for the past five years. She was an IU graduate who had majored in opera, when she decided she wanted a new life and relocated to Romania to work for an organization who helps orphans. Four years ago, she fell in love with an orphaned baby boy and is now going through the process to adopt him. In order to adopt a child in Romania, you have to first establish residency...which means you must live and work solely in that country for 60 months. That's SIXTY, not six. People have such amazing stories...and here is the "turn lemons into lemonade" segment of this speech...I would have never known this woman's story if we hadn't circled Newark for 40 minutes.

To say I felt like a pile of poo when we landed in Zurich is an understatement. I couldn't sleep on the flight, partially because I was excited but mostly because the guy across the aisle from me had the worst set of adenoids I've ever heard and I spent most of the nine hour flight fighting my gag reflex everytime he snored in a big loogie.

Upon making it to the hotel, taking a shower and drinking eleventy cups of coffee, I started coming around , so we took off on a walk down Bahnhofstrasse. Bahnhofstrasse is touted as one of the world's most exlusive and expensive shopping avenues. I just liked looking at all the watches and expensive chocolates! And I'm not sure it's all that exclusive, anyway....a quarter pounder by any other name is still....a quarter pounder.

Later that night, we met up with our group for the first time for an outing on the fondueshiffe, or Fondue Boat. Uh, YUM. Seriously, what could be better than an entire dinner of cheese and bread? I was a happy, albeit tired, Hoosier girl.

After taking the tram back to our hotel we were invited by two of our new Austrian friends for a "sleeping drink." At this point, I could have slept standing up, and I knew that a drink of any sort would be my total undoing...but how do you say no to one 6'4" Austrian woman and another Austrian woman who rolls her own cigarettes, both of whom you just met? Yeah, you don't! So the "sleeping drink" was actually grappa, and it was served by a German-speaking Indian man at a Thai restaurant. Think about that! Isn't that funny? Or was it just funny to me because I had been up for two days? Well, regardless, this German-Indian-Thai-guy poured us all grappa and everyone raised their glasses saying prost and I took my first sip. WOWZA!!! I didn't know it was legal to serve diesel fuel as an alcoholic beverage in Switzerland.

Even as bad as it tasted, I somehow managed to finish the "sleeping drink."

And then, before I even knew what was happening....I fell asleep at the table.

Happy Weekending!