Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The Sunbathing Continues...

I'm sitting in my office working on a report (how did it get to be June 2nd already?!?) when suddenly I detect a presence. I look up to find Mrs. Sunbather standing in front of my desk. I guess the reason I didn't hear her come in is because she is barefoot. She is also wearing a pair of sunglasses and.......

wait for it!!

One of these little numbers:

Except hers was more of a faded baby blue color with a little anchor on the leg, elastic that would fit around my jeep, and vintage, oh, about 1981, I'd say. It was also at least two sizes too small, which is just a guess based on the amount of ass cheek that was hanging out.
"I'm so embarrassed I had to come to the office dressed like this," she begins. I'm breathing deep, trying not to snicker, and mentally writing this post as the scene unfolded. "But I went outside to get some Vitamin D... just 15 minutes is all you need, you know...and I guess the door was locked when I closed it behind me and now I'm locked out and this is all I have on." As she explains her plight she is waving her arms around and I am unbelievably distracted thinking that any minute one of those 85-year-old boobs is going to pop out of the top of the stretched-out terry cloth when suddenly my preoccupied mind starts singing, because that's just how my tracks roll when it comes to ye olde train of thought.
If I see them I'll go blind.
Fleshy white-colored mammories
That's the way they were.
Terry cloth romper,
That should've been left behind
Barely covering wrinkled mammories
That's the way they were.

It's official. This job is making me crazy.


Sarah said...

number one - I love that song. Both versions!

number two - you need to have your camera for moments like that!

Erik said...

That made me laugh...out loud.

That is hilarious!


Unknown said...

get out of my head! i sing the mammaries song every day [although the lyrics are different and i'm usually singing it to smsmh and not some old lady]!

too funny. it's posts like THIS that i end up reading out loud to anyone that will listen.

Amy - the gazelle said...

I can't stop giggling. That is TERRIBLE! :)

Diana said...

That is priceless! You'd be totally lost without that job! As would we!
Old people trying to be sexy.....eeewwww!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Hahahahahahaha! ZOMG, I am SOOOO turned on right now! I mean SCHA-wing!

Boobie Tuesday! Good one, lil sister.


Carolina John said...

that's cute. i'm sure she was adorable.

Alisa said...

Oh boy! That little number is HOOOT! Poor you.