Toot, toot!

I was reading this hilarious post earlier today about unfortunate happenings that befall others, but happen to be pretty damn funny. You know, like that time in high school sophomore year when the late bell rings and you're nowhere near your study hall seat so you make a run for it but at the last minute your butt hits the chair and sends it sailing like a launched rocket clear across the cafeteria and you land flat on your back with the air knocked out of you in front of the very hot senior you were secretly wishing would ask you to prom and when you open your eyes not only is the entire room laughing but the wretched ass of a teacher is standing over you telling you "nice try, but I'm counting you tardy." Oh. Wait. That probably only happened to me.

ANYWAY...

This post asked readers about things that make you laugh...at the expense of others...which reminded me of flatulence (because farting is funny, dammit)...which then reminded me of Mickey.

Mickey was in her late 80s. When she was younger she had been a competitive speed walker, and she could outwalk anyone in the building. Not only could she walk faster than any little old lady you've ever seen, but she did it silently. You absolutely could not hear this woman walk. You could, however, hear her fart.

She had a habit of entering my office, in complete silence of course, and come to a stop right in front of my desk. I usually had no idea she was there, until her butt trumpet announced her presence. This tiny, 85-pound, silent walker could float an air biscuit that would even embarrass the men eating beans on Blazing Saddles.

I would be sitting at the desk with no idea anyone was in my office until she was right in front of me, and then she would let one rip. This happened EVERY SINGLE TIME she came into my office!

And every single time she came into my office, I had to hold my breath just so I wouldn't laugh out loud. WHY is this funny? What makes uncontrolled wind-breaking so amusing? I have no idea, but today I really miss Mickey. And that special way she could lean up one cheek and sneak.